My senior year of college I was tormented by an unrelenting fear that “I wasn’t good enough,” and it was inevitable my girlfriend, at the time, would leave. Then, it happened. Not because I wasn’t good enough, or didn’t make her happy, but because I had accused her of cheating. The days following that accusation consumed me with a stomach twisting agony and anguish. I knew I’d messed up, but I was still desperately clinging to the hope that things would work out… until a few days later it all went crashing down. The relationship was officially over.

And that’s when things got weird.

As soon as I accepted that there was no chance of salvaging the relationship, I was struck with an euphoric sense of peace and happiness. And I’ll be honest, it annoyed the shit out of me. I’d just lost the best relationship I’d ever been in, and I was elated. I needed to know “why.”

Over the next 8 months I began an obsessive introspective journey where I researched psychology for about 8 hours a day, regularly journaled till my eyes were bloodshot, practiced long meditations, and most importantly, talked to tons of other guys about their mental health.

This period completely transformed me. I uncovered how growing up with ADHD had turned into masking that shaped every aspect of my life, how early exposure to porn damaged my ability to develop healthy relationships, and how I’d become addicted to video games as a way to escape a reality I didn’t want to deal with.

But more important than the things I discovered about myself, was seeing how many other people were struggling with the same things in silence. After a tragic double suicide at Purdue, I shared that I’d be at a certain place on campus so that anyone struggling could have a hug and someone to talk to. That night, I had a conversation that changed my life forever. A freshman came up, and the first thing he said was “they beat me to it.” (Full Story in Linked Video)